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Can’t Find My Name

#LifeStory [ 3 ] As a child, my parents instilled in me the habit of praying before going to sleep at night.  In my teenage years I would lay in bed at night, often drunk from alcohol, and out of habit pray to God before going to sleep.  You see, I knew what the Bible taught, and would often ask God to forgive me for being drunk.  But there was no change, only an increased desire for alcohol to fill the emptiness I tried to hide.  Without any sort of purpose in life, alcohol was a version of fun that I could explore with my friends.

My reckless lifestyle produced several near death experiences, and at night I would lay in bed trying to imagine what it would be like to be dead.  I knew what the Bible taught about eternity, but all I could picture was emptiness and darkness.  I was frightened by the thought of being nothing, nonexistent forever and ever.

Then one night I had a dream.  I dreamed an angel of the Lord carried me to Heaven and set me down in front of the Lamb's Book of Life (Revelation 21:27).  This book is described in the Bible as the book that contains all the names of God's people who have been saved by the Blood of the Lamb.  As I stood in front of this huge book, I flipped through the pages, but could not find my name written anywhere.  When I awoke from my dream, I was puzzled. Not sure of how real the dream had been, I kept it to myself, but the Lord had my attention.  I set out to read the Bible from beginning to end, searching for answers and hoping to find something that would ease the emptiness I felt inside.  I longed for something more, but what?

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